conflicted

my thoughts have been all over the place lately.

not that this is uncommon or anything..it's just been more noticeable lately!

i stumbled upon a problem that i didn't really realize was a problem.

do you ever do that? i hope that i am always open to realizing when i need to change.

which is a lot.

anyways.

i was outside with my coffee, reading my Bible the other morning.

i realized that as i was sitting there, my mind was going crazy.

i was thinking about a way that i could better advertise for my photography.

i was thinking about going out to buy some more props from an antique store nearby.

i was thinking about all the editing i had to do from my latest shoot, and posing i was going to use for my next one!

my point.

i wanted to be thinking about what i needed to do to get The Porch ready,

i wanted to be thinking and praying about how i can be a better mom and better wife.

i wanted to be thinking about the girls from my young adults group that i promised to pray for.

i wanted to be thinking about the planning i need to be doing to get ready for this homeschool year.

do you see where i'm going with this?

all of my thoughts are being spent on my business and not on anything with eternal value.

now.

of course, i love my business. 

i adore capturing people on camera

i really enjoy what i do, and that is where the conflict was.

do i just put my camera down, and forget all about it?

i didn't want to do that! i love it too much! 

and i feel that God has gifted me with this ability!

so this is where i was going back and forth and back and forth.

i have just been feeling conflicted on my time management and what things need to be taking first priority.

see...i believe wholeheartedly that it is my responsibility to tithe a MINIMUM of 10% of my finances.

i also believe that i should be "tithing" my time as well.

when adam and i tithe our already small income, God always, always provides and blesses us even more.

a verse in proverbs says that giving to the poor is like lending to God.

God always pays us back even more so than what we give.

i think it should be the same with my time as well.

i need to be giving my FIRST percentage of time to God.

then to my husband.

then my kids

then my ministries...

THEN

my photography.

this does not come naturally for me, but the whole thing about it is?

i don't want "natural" results for my photography!!

i want God results.

you may think that it is kind of crazy to even include God in this, because it is something i do on the side.

it is a camera. 

a job.

but i need to really work on making sure that i am allowing God to have what is rightfully his in every area of my life.

every area.

i tend to get up and read and pray.

then spend the rest of the day figuring out how to do everything else.

that is where i have been conflicted!

because i have felt guilty when i am spending too much time editing, or researching, or anything that has to do with that.

i feel like i HAVE to do that first, because i want to fit everything else for that day in!

so here is where my confliction ends.

i don't think God needs little old me to spend  hours coming up with ideas and plans for ways to make more money.

i think that God needs me to be honoring Him with my time, with my money and with my thoughts!

when i do that, i can only imagine what he will do to bless me.

i want to spend way more time praying, reading, planning for my ministries, spending quality time with my husband and my kids.

then, when i feel like i have accomplished what God has clearly called me to FIRST

i will put the left over time into my photography.

i want to be a proverbs 31 woman. 

that is my goal. i know that that includes being a business woman as well as a mom!

there. it's all out. 

ok. i feel better. 

thanks for working through that with me!

now i have to get moving. 

i have tons of homeschool planning to do, 

the porch needs to be cleaned before it opens monday,

and i have 2 senior sessions sunday!