a special kind of birthday

sometimes, when a person loses a loved one.
when it is tragic.
when it is unexpected.
i think that we tend to feel like we shouldn't talk about it to the person who had the loss.
like we should just be quiet and maybe pretend that it didn't happen.
sometimes i think it is because we honestly just don't know what to say.
there are no words that are going to make it any easier, and you would just hate to say something to make it worse!

today, i felt like i wanted to talk about a tragic, unexpected loss.
because i think that while we naturally tend to just not say anything, we can lose out on something pretty amazing.

today is the 14 year birthday of a sweet boy named devan joel.

it is a special kind of birthday because it is a birthday that will be celebrated in heaven...just like his last 13 were.

my sister erika and her husband lost their baby a week before his due date.
there was no warning. no signs. nothing.

i remember the sadness and i remember the feeling of intense pain - for them.
because i could not even imagine what they must have been feeling
i watched them grieve...
watched them suffer a loss that nobody should ever have to go through

but the amazing part about all of it is this.

they never let go.
never let go of God.
ever.
and it was pretty spectacular to witness.

because see...it would have been easy to.
it didn't make sense.
they could have blamed God.
doubted God.
walked away from God.

but they didn't.
because they had spent years building a relationship with a God who they had come to love and more importantly - trust.
(i am not implying they didn't have moments of doubt, of blaming God, of anger. i'm just saying that they did not choose to finally and completely doubt, blame and walk away)

and that is why i wanted to even talk about it.
obviously, they have not forgotten.
and by me not talking about it isn't going to change that.

so i wanted to publicly say to you:
we have not forgotten. we never will.
we still think of the Currier family as a family of 10.
because that is what you are.

i wanted to remember devan's birthday by remembering how good God has been to you and by thanking you for being such an amazing example of what love and trust in God look like.
and that is the amazing part of a unexplainable story that i don't think people should miss out on!
you are incredible.

happy birthday to my precious nephew who i never got to meet,
and who i can not wait to see in heaven.

and thank you, matt and erika, for holding on.
you may never know how many lives will be affected because you did!


weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5