what defines a life...

last night as i sat in "the village" gym (those of you who don't get that can ask me, and i might feel a big post coming on about that one!) watching my little very big boy play his semi-final game, i was struck with such a feeling of not home. before the game i was thinking about how much i wanted aj to play his best and give it is absolute everything without becoming so consumed with it. i do not ever want my kids to think that a sport, or a thing defines them! ever. it does not. sitting in this building, with a whole lot of parents who do not have a passion about raising their kids the way i do, made me feel...alone. i know that this world is not my home. i know that we are here for such a short time. but at the same time, we have to live life! and Jesus said that he came so that we could have not only life, but ABUNDANT life! i wanted aj to have fun. but i wanted him to win.

he didn't.

i could see his face across the court with about 45 seconds to play. he knew the game was over. he was shifting from one foot to the other, and he kept rolling his eyes with the hope to try and dry his eyes. his face was getting red, and i could see him struggling to hold it together. i hurt for him. he so badly wanted to win, and i knew that he also did not want to cry. part of me wanted to just run over and hug him to death (i didn't :)) but i also wanted to prove that this game was not that big of a deal. you know what i mean. it WAS a big deal, but it is not in the grand scheme of life.

see, at the same time my little boy was trying to discipline his body like an athlete training it to do what it should, (I cor. 9:27) i was doing the same thing, but in a different way. i was resisting the very strong urge to say how i was really feeling to the lady behind me. how my stupid flesh just wanted to say...a lot. but i didn't. and you know what? i found myself thinking that i was doing right by not saying what i was thinking, but i was doing wrong by not thinking of others as better than myself. does that make sense? i was keeping my mouth shut while thinking that i was the "better person" for doing so!!
the whole point is that when i am disciplining myself to obey Christ, it involves more than just strong will. it takes humility. it is taking verses that i have hidden in my heart and applying them.

so i did. i looked over at the few moms who i feel like a 16-year-old around and i struggled to remind myself that i have to consider others better than myself. then i quickly walked out of the gym!
oh the struggles. amazing how you can even make something look "righteous" when in reality you are being "self-righteous"

but back to my boy.

he is amazing. he is humble. he is sweet. he is an extremely gifted athlete. he loves his Bible. sometimes he still calls me mommy. he still walks up to me and hugs me for no reason. he loves his family. and he already knows that basketball does not define him. he is a new creature. he is a child of The Amazing King of Kings. That is who he is. so he happens to be a really good basketball player too, but that is just one more thing.

he will be fine. there will be more wins, and more losses. and we will all continue to be given opportunities to...not be the better person. but to consider someone else a better person.

and i pray that this little boy, who knows more moves on the court than any 8-year-old i know, will continue to grow closer to Jesus every single day.
that he will never forget what truly defines him.
his relationship with Jesus Christ.
only that will last forever.
what are you letting define your life?