My lobster

Today is Adam's birthday.
He doesn't like the thought of getting old, and he constantly reminds me that I am older than him.
Even though he is only a few months younger!

For my boys birthdays, I like to write about what they like doing.
How their personalities are, and how they affect me.
What they like eating and who their favorite friends are.

But...if you've ever wondered about the person who has to put up with someone like me all day.
I thought I would say just a few things about my husband.

He prefers to stay home over going out all the day long.
Pretty much the opposite of me.

He likes watching any sport on tv, but basketball and soccer are his favorites.
He loves bread.
Duh. If you know Adam at all, you know this about him.
He loves carbs and hates fruit and vegetables. (I wonder where Riley gets it!)
His favorite sweets are orange slices, twizzlers and gummy anything.
Also his mom's sugar cookies.

He loves playing soccer and basketball.
He is an amazing dad, and would definitely rather spend time with his family over anyone else.

He loves playing with his nieces and nephew, and they adore him.
He is the most knowledgeable person I have ever met when it comes to knowing his Bible.
And he doesn't stop with just the knowledge part...he lives it out.
He has a loud voice.
He is amazing with kids, and is the best coach (according to many, many parents.)
He is very slow paced. Like. very.
We make an interesting team since I am not so much on the slow side. (I wonder where AJ gets it!)
He loves cheerios and honestly? I think he has had at least one bowl of plain cheerios (name brand only please) every. single. day since we have been married.
No lie.

He is incredible with people and loves to serve.
He makes everyone feel like they are important.
He is an awesome speaker...definitely gifted in that area.
He could not care less about what people think of him.
(I wish I cared a little less, and could learn a lot from him in that area!)
He doesn't think having a nice car is at all important. ha!
He hates spending money on food, and would be happy to never eat out.

His laugh is contagious, and I literally just laughed out loud even thinking about it.

He balances my crazy.
He pushes me and supports me.
He loves me for who I am.
He makes me laugh and I know how lucky I am to have him.
He is my lobster.
And I am so thankful that God gave him to me.

Happy Birthday pumpkin.
haha....Totally would never call him that. At least not with a straight face.

The Bachelor - A mockery of marriage

I do not watch the bachelor.

I need to start out by saying that.

However, last night we happened to turn the tv on just as the show was ending.

I watched as a girl said excitedly into the camera...

"I just hope I can leave this island an engaged woman!"

And then I saw the first 15 seconds of the preview of what next week would hold (and then quickly turned the channel because of the filth that was being shown) 

And I could not help but think...

This is an absolute mockery of marriage!

This is not real!

Marriage if no joke, peeps.

It is the mother of all promises.

It is a covenant.

It is day after day and year after year of hard work.

Some really great days, and some really bad days.

It is filled with some really sweet stories, and some really bad ones.

It is a decision that has to be made to think of another person as better than yourself.

 To not hold a record of another person's wrongs.

Tto endure hard times, to not be irritable, to not become bitter and to not insist on your own way.

And when marriage is carried out the way it was intended to be carried out, it is beautiful.

It has nothing to do with what a person looks like, how much money they make or how much they make you laugh.

Sure. Those can be added bonuses, but it has nothing to do with what the beauty of marriage is!

As I watched this guy look at a couple of girls bodies (let's just call it for what it clearly is) and I watched a couple of girls acting as if this was everything they dreamed it would be...It honestly made me kind of nauseous. 

It made me think of the last 14 years of my life.

And what those years looked like without an all expenses paid trip to St. Lucia, without make up artists surrounding me, cameras in my face and celebrity status.

It made me think of what marriage really is.

It is a relationship that has gone through some rough days.

Some days of feeling totally sorry for myself, and feeling like Adam just didn't care.

It is a relationship that has gone through some amazing days. Days of feeling like I have the best life in the entire world and a husband who is the best man on the planet.

And the reality of it all is just that...
It is a reality.
Not a reality show.
Do you see the irony in what we call these shows?
What the bachelor is blaring into the homes of America is not reality, people.
Not by a long shot.
I wish that we would stop portraying important aspects of our lives like
Marriage
as something that comes and goes.
As something that you do just because you think someone it sounds like fun, or makes you look good.
As something that works when you take one beautiful, skinny, rich person and pair them with another beautiful, skinny rich person.
Ugh. If you're gonna do a show like that, can the end result not be marriage?
I mean, call it something else!

A good marriage is a selfless marriage.
A good marriage is a loving marriage.
A good marriage is a self-sacrificing marriage.

It's never all about me and my needs.
It is always all about my husband and all his needs.
It is not 50/50.
It is 100/100.

When I give everything in me to serve, please and love my husband...
and he gives everything in him to serve, please and love me - that is when we have a good, solid marriage.

Let's be teaching our kids what marriage really is.
When 2 people are so focused on pleasing God that the only obvious response is loving their husband or wife with an unconditional love...
That is what marriage should look like.

Sorry ABC. You have it all, all totally wrong.
A happy marriage is a Godly marriage.
Boom.

A P30x for Wives: Tips to keep your marriage strong

I know that Christmas time (and maybe just ANYTIME) can be stressful.
And I thought since it is getting to be that crazy, full-schedule time of year, a post with a few practical ways we can keep our marriage strong during it all was appropriate.

If you are married, you gotta get a hold of a few things.

Here's a little somethin somethin for ya...
"The wife must see to it that she respects her husband"

I loved reading this verse in the Amplified Version 

...let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. [Ephesians 5:33]

Read that again...the wife part.

When life gets busy, and we have a million things to do, isn't it easy to kind of neglect some of the basics?

Let me break down some of the words used in this version - 

*Notice him
    -When he walks by you, even if you are doing something else, reach out and grab his hand for a second. If you are on your computer when he walks in the room, get up and give him a hug, or just look up and make eye contact.
Greet him at the door when he comes home from work.
Just show you are noticing him! 

*Prefer him
    -When you have the chance to go out with the girls, or to stay up with your hubby watching tv, choose him! 
If you have a choice of what to watch on tv...try watching the game with him.
It won't kill you to miss that rerun of house hunters.
Show him he's your first choice of someone to hang out with!

*Venerate him
    -Ya, I was out with this one at first. I didn't know what that meant, to be honest. Turns out, it means to honor, as an icon. And in case you didn't know, an icon means a work of art.
Now...for those of us sarcastic people, don't use it as an excuse to call him a work of art, a piece of work, etc. That will defeat the entire purpose of this post! haha!
But, it just goes along with everything else in this verse. It's about thinking highly of him. Whether or not he deserves it. Let's face it, none of us deserve it most of the time! But you, as his wife, should not be like any other person. Treat him better than every other person you know!

*Esteem him
     -Talk about him behind his back... in a good way.
Brag about the kind of husband you have. Leave him a note telling him you're thankful that he works hard, or that he makes you laugh, or that he makes the bed. Whatever it is, start talking about your man boo!
Start esteeming him in your mind, and that is what will come out of your mouth!

*Admire him exceedingly 
     -One of the definitions of admire says "to look at with pleasure"
Did you hear that? 
LOOK at him with pleasure! 
Girlfriends...your face can say a lot! 
Let him catch you staring at him. Tell him you were just thinking about how you appreciate the kind of dad he is. How you love the way he makes you feel beautiful. Whatever it is...admire him.

This one isn't in there, but pray for him!
I have been praying for Adam to have joy, to hunger and thirst after righteousness. 
I've been praying that he will be strengthened with the Holy Spirit's power, and many other verses that I come across.
I pray that he will be patient, that he will stay faithful, that he will be a strong leader.
When I start out my day praying for him, I am in a much better position to respect and honor him.
And way less likely to get irritated and annoyed as easily.

Respect is something that our husbands need. 
AND - It is something we are capable of providing for them!

Don't let the craziness of life start excusing you from:

your duty.

your responsibility.

your role.

know your role!

Don't think that your marriage is going to stay strong without a little work.
Sometimes we can be disrespectful by just the way that we work so hard at everything else...our jobs, our kids, our exercising, and we don't even show our man that we care enough about him to work hard!

Think of it like a p90x workout schedule.
Can we just make it 30 days? 90 might be a bit much.
POWER 30 EXTREME, baby!!
Let's try and take the next 30 days and get our mad-wife-power on and venerate the daylights out of our husbands!
I even made a calendar for you!

Y

You can fill in the blanks with specific things you are going to do! (See how I snuck my birthday in there?)

Who's in?

Find you some new friends, homegirl!

Ever been away with a bunch of ladies and feel like all you are hearing is
my husband always does this...
and my husband never does that...
And it's not singing their praises?? if-ya-know-what-I-mean.

I remember hearing women do this even before I got married.
And I remember thinking - I hope I never talk about my husband so poorly behind his back!
It just does not sit right with me!

Fast forward 15 years...
I had the chance to go away for night with the leaders wives from my church.

We spent the night at York beach, Maine and the weather could not have been more perfect.

We walked with my to the beach to watch the sunrise. 

We ran around the beach.

We walked to the Nubble Lighthouse and watched the waves crash onto the rocks.
It was beautiful.

While all of that was amazing, there was one particular part that stood out to me.

There were 9 of us there.

Saturday afternoon, we sat in the living room in a circle.
There were people from all different backgrounds, all different upbringings, all different personalities, styles and looks.
We went around the room.
One at a time, and prayed out loud for our husbands.

It was amazing.
It was moving.
It was challenging.

I listened as one woman thanked God for her best friend, another thanking God that her husband completed her, another thanking God for all the circumstances that brought her and her husband together, and another thanked God for getting them through a time in their marriage where they really struggled and He restored.
I listened as these women praised their husbands...brought up their good qualities, asked God to bless, to give them wisdom in leadership, and strength in their jobs.

I'm pretty sure we were all crying.

Listen to me...It matters who your friends are.

I was amazed at the fact that I attend a very small church, and yet the foundation of this congregation is secure with 9 strong marriages representing the leadership.
(actually 10, because one of our elders lost his wife who he adored to cancer)

Do you understand how unusual this is?
Getting to spend time with women who praise their husbands behind their backs?
Who respect their men, and who pray for them?
Some had been married for 12 years, many for over 30 and some for more than 40 years!

It matters who your friends are.

I can not help but think how different my own marriage would be if I chose to hang out with other women who criticized their husbands.
If I chose to hang out with bitter, frustrated, angry wives.

We teach it to my boys. We teach it to the kids at The Porch. I will teach it to you now.

It matters who your friends are.

I hope that the prayers of these amazing ladies will ring in my ears on the days when I am tempted to roll my eyes at my husband, or to put down something he has done, or to make a sarcastic comment about him.

My husband needs respect and love from me.
I feel so blessed to be able to surround myself with women who are putting God first and seeking to please God in their marriages.
I am not saying they are perfect, and I am not saying that they don't struggle.
That would not be realistic.

But these women know what their foundation needs to be. Jesus.
It is about not putting your husband first, but putting God first.
The rest falls into place.

Thank you Mom, Maria, Liz, Bev, Patty, Robin, Kathy and Brenda for showing me by example how to love my husband.

If anyone reading this is finding themselves hanging out with women who are putting down their husbands?
(or putting down anyone, for that matter!)
Challenge them to stop!
And if they don't want to?

Find you some new friends, homegirl!

Fighting the If-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it Mentality

There seems to be a common trend going around these days.

The idea that if something is "fine" then there is no need to put any effort into it.

You can see this in many areas...

*Marriages

*Parenting

*Ministries

*Health

You name it.

The way it works is this...

My marriage is fine. We are fine. We get along. We are living a good life. There is no need to work any harder than I have to.

My kids are fine. No teacher has called complaining, so I guess there is no problem. My kids are not getting into too much trouble, so I guess they are doing alright.

The church is fine with the way it's going. There are a few people who come to my Sunday School class, so I guess I will be content with just those few.

My blood pressure is fine. I haven't had a heart attack. My pants still fit, so I guess I don't have to eat healthy or exercise.

It can literally work this way in any area of your life.

But here's the thing.

IT IS NOT OKAY TO JUST BE FINE!

See..FINE is not cool to me.

I don't want fine.

I want better than fine.

I want incredible.

I want the best.

I don't want to just survive throughout my life, I want to enjoy every second of it!

Just last month, I had a little talk with AJ. He is 12.

I said listen...You are going to be 13 soon. 

Ya know, a teenager.

I want you to know that people around me have told me for years that you are going to start being rebellious, moody, hard to get along with, disrespectful and basically a nightmare.

I also want you to know that you do not have any responsibility to live up to (or should I say down to) that!

You are responsible before God to honor and respect your mom whether you are 2 or 52. 

I told him...there may be times that you are in a really horrible mood. There may be times when I just really irritate you. But I want you to know that you are just as responsible to obey God during those times, as you are during the times you just won your soccer game and I bought you your favorite video game. I don't expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to be growing closer to God every day. 

Don't be disrespectful and rude just because people say all teenagers are.

And that is what I think I should do with every relationship, every aspect of my life.

I don't want to live with the mentality that things are fine.

I want to live better than that.

Don't think that just because your life is a certain way right now, that it has to stay that way.

Don't settle for less than what God has promised you!

God promises a life that is crazy exciting.

Yes, that's right.

Your life is supposed to be crazy exciting!

Don't settle into the if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it mentality.

Sure, it's going to take a little work.

You are maybe going to have to have a hard conversation with your husband, or your kids, or a friend.

But the things that we care about the most are the things that we need to take the most care with!

We need to treat these things like the valuable treasure that they are.

Go ahead. 

Go have that conversation.

Work at what you have so you don't lose what you have.

it's the little things

so 20 years ago today.
it was a sunday.
i was getting ready for church.
i remember wearing my favorite plaid pleated skirt. awesome, i know.
and my black shoes.
i am pretty sure i had used 3/4 of a bottle of salon selectives hair spray on the beautiful curled bangs i was forming.
my nails were painted bright red.

at about 12:30 i watched a sweet, gray car pull into the driveway.
sweet only because a guy from my class was coming with his dad to pick me up and bring me back to his house for lunch. not sweet because of the look of it. just trust me. ha!
i was kind of nervous.

not nervous around his mom, because she was the sweetest person ever.
a little nervous around his dad.
(who i remember commented on how bright my nails were)
and maybe a little nervous about making the right impression on adam.

i remember him looking at me with his bright blue eyes and saying "so. will you go out with me?"

i said yes.

i was only 16 years old. and i had no idea where that yes was going to take me!
on an incredible journey of life with someone who would love me unconditionally.
and who would make me never doubt the fact that he did.

20 years and 2 boys later....
adam was telling the boys last night how we had been together for 20 years.
i didn't think much of him telling it to them. i mean, they thought it was pretty cool, that was it.

but this morning.
i woke up to this.

these signs.
all over the house.
on the doors, in adam's office, above my desk, on the windows.

wow. how lucky am i?
it's these little things.
just some printer paper, markers and tape.
and along with that...
a reminder of these sweet and sensitive little boys who see the value of a happy marriage.
who feel the security this strong marriage gives them.
and who choose to show us that they do.

and it makes me happy.
it makes me forget all the even littler things that tend to feel like big things.

i choose to focus on the little things. which are, in essence, the biggest things. ♥ 

stinking rotten thoughts

some of you know that i decided to take a break from facebook for a while.
i had actually been feeling like i needed to for a while.
several sunday mornings, during the sermon at church, i would feel a twinge of conviction. feeling like i was wasting too much time with it, and i was letting myself get too emotionally involved in lives that really had nothing to do with me.
but monday morning would come, and i would push the thoughts off, and continue living.

i finally told a couple friends about my feelings, so they would hold me to making the choice that i really knew i wanted to make anyways!

it has only been a couple of weeks, but i have been amazed at how freeing it has been.
see...i am a people person. maybe a little bit of a people-pleaser.
not really in the way of like...i need to do anything anyone wants to make them happy?
but i just like for people to like me.
but what was happening was - i would see comments and life choices on my newsfeed.
then i would let it affect me.
i was noticing that during my quiet time and Bible reading, i was reading a verse and thinking of another person. not in a judgmental way, but just like...i wish this person could get this!
and i was missing out on what the verse was saying to ME!

i also was spending too much time on it.
i wasn't spending hours at a time, but it was just the kind of thing like...
i'd be editing pictures, and then while i was waiting for a picture to load or whatever, i would just "check my facebook real quick"
those few minutes here and few minutes there can really add up!

so. all that to say.
my main problem is my stinking rotten thoughts.
i hate that i let people affect me. i hate that i get upset and frustrated.
so i asked adam last night. (at midnight...my favorite time to start a deep conversation. ha!)
how do you actually practice 2 corinthians 10:5?
"we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of  God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
i know that it is in God's Word. so it's possible. it's livable.
but HOW?

so he said.
well. i guess every time you start having a thought that is getting you down or frustrated, you just pray! you say "God, please take these thoughts captive and make them obey you"

um. really?
is there a reason i didn't just think of ASKING GOD??

oh adam, how i love you.

so that is what i am doing.
i am starting to actually ask God when i have troubling thoughts.
when i see things that bother me.
when i start to notice that my thoughts are going down the wrong path.
i'll just ask!
and i know that if i ask, God promises to help me.

so. no more stinking rotten thoughts for me today!
those thoughts are going to be obedient to God.

ready. set. go.

your holiday, your husband and your happiness

So it's the Christmas season.
It's that time of year when schedules get crazy, finances get tight and relationships tend to get...
strained.

You know what I'm talking about.

It's supposed to be the time when everyone is smiling and happy, drinking hot cocoa and sitting in front of the christmas tree reminiscing of all the years of happy memories while listening to Frank Sinatra, right?

Here's the thing.

You have to know what kind of obstacles are going to be in front of you so you can be prepared to fight them.
And a big obstacle right now? Is keeping our marriages strong!

It's no secret that marriages are under attack right now.
I think one of the biggest problems that we have, starts out as
a good thing!

Putting your kids first!


Doesn't that sound so...
self-sacrificial?
loving?
thoughtful?

But here's the problem.

It's the wrong first focus!

I've talked about this before, but we all have the following relationships in our lives:

*Parents

*Husband

*Children

Two of these relationships are designed to be temporary
One of these relationships is designed to be permanent


We were designed to grow with our parents, and then eventually get married and move out.
We were designed to marry our husband and stay with him forever.
We were designed to have children and raise them to eventually move out.

But, what happens in our every day lives, is our kids can tend to take over.
We have to get them up, feed them, clean up after them, bring them to this game, and that party.
It can take over.
Then...whatever we have left at the end of a long day (which may be NOTHING) we put into our husbands.

The ONLY relationship that is supposed to be permanent


See how that is all wrong?

I am encouraging you this Christmas season, to just stop for a minute.
Ok. Maybe a few minutes.

And just refocus

Maybe you have forgotten what your role as a wife is.
I wrote about that here, last christmas!

Don't let yourself fall into the trap that is lying to you and telling you that everyone's marriage is struggling...
and this is just the way it is going to have to be.
Don't settle for less than what God has for you!

It is not the way it has to be!


While you're refocusing, remind yourself that you do not have rights that deserve to be met
that you do not need to spend more time taking care of yourself...
see.
That is also part of the trap!

The book of Proverbs tells us that only by pride comes contention
gulp.

Is there contention in your marriage right now?
Is there stress that you are getting overwhelmed with?

Put your pride aside.
Get a friend you can trust who will be consistent to pray for you.

Start enjoying your marriage the way God intended it!

It may be super hard the first couple of steps, but it will get easier and easier,
and your life will be better as a result of it!

So go and make some hot cocoa,
put on the Sinatra and ask your husband to snuggle in front of the tree with you.
Work hard on that permanent relationship!

Make this holiday be the best one your marriage has ever had.
It can start with you, and it will be totally worth it.

know your role

i know that christmas time (and maybe just ANYTIME) can be stressful.
no matter what is filling your plate today, if you are married...
you have something to see to.


ephesians says it like this
"The wife must see to it that she respects her husband"


i loved reading it in the amplified version 


...let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [^[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and ^[b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]


read that again...the wife part.


when life gets busy, and we have a million things to do, isn't it easy to kind of neglect some of the basics?
i loved some of the words used in this version - 


*notice him
    -when he walks by you, even if you are doing something else, reach out and grab his hand for a second. to show you are noticing him


*prefer him
    -when you have the chance to go out with the girls, or to stay up by yourself watching tv, choose him! show him he's your first choice of someone to hang out with


*venerate him
    -ya, i'm out. i don't know what that means, and i don't feel like googling it right now. i mean, it's 11:20pm people!


*esteem him
     -talk about him behind his back. in a good way.
brag about the kind of husband you have, start esteeming him in your mind, and that is what will come out of your mouth!


*admire him exceedingly 
     -one of the definitions of admire says "to look at with pleasure"
did you hear that? to LOOK at him with pleasure! your face can say a lot! 
let him catch you staring at him. and when he asks you what you're thinking, tell him you were just thinking about what a great husband he is.


this one isn't in there, but pray for him!
i have been praying for adam to have joy, to hunger and thirst after righteousness. that he will be strengthened with the Holy Spirit's power, and many other verses that i come across.
when i am starting out my day praying for him, i am in a much better position to respect and honor him.


respect is something that our husbands need. 


and it is something we are capable of providing for them.


don't let the business of life let you start excusing you from 


your duty.


your responsibility.


your role.


know your role


and watch God bless you when you follow HIS WAY!