soccer season

i remember packing up my boys when they were 9 months old and 2 years old.
i would pack a cooler with snacks, mittens and hats, a stroller, soccer balls.
i would get them all dressed...right down to my toddlers shin guards and soccer socks.
i would load them in the car and drive 25 minutes to derry to be there at 7:30 for saturday morning soccer.
wow. i was crazy, and literally don't even know how i did it.
adam would leave even earlier to set up the goals, so i was going solo.
and here we are...all these years later and i am still getting ready every saturday morning (and other days!) for soccer!
i must say...it is much easier these days.
i tell the boys to make sure they have everything they need.
i still pack snacks and drinks, but they get their own shin guards on, and put themselves in the car!

i have always loved watching them play, and i don't think that will ever get old!

aj is playing for the middle school boys team, and riley and aj are both playing together on a u12 team that adam is coaching.
both teams are undefeated!

i think i've watched a lot of soccer in my life. and i hope i have a lot more to watch :)
i never want to take for granted the fact that my boys are totally healthy.
so thankful.

mini session mayhem

i had a day of family sessions 2 weekends ago.
i had 8 people sign up, but ended up *only* having 7 families.
let me tell you...with my cRaZiNeSs...that made for a tiring day!
let's just say. i like to jump around a lot!


anyways...it was great to see some familiar faces, and meet some new friends!
we had the sessions at the milk room and the weather was perfect!
here are a few of my favorites from the day!

thank you to all my clients who made this such a fun day!

whoever refreshes others will be refreshed

people tell me all the time how busy i am.
they tell me that they don't know how i do everything i do.

sometimes i think...busy? i mean, i guess.
i don't really think about it.
i just...live. i don't know.

and then sometimes i think...busy? and you don't know the HALF of it!!

i am busy. i do have a lot going on in my life right now, but i just kind of assume that everyone does!
i don't think of my life being all that much different from anyone else's.

being a townsend...or maybe it's from the baxter side - we are just fast people.
like seriously. we talk fast, we walk fast, we cook fast, we read fast, we just do everything fast.
except for drive fast. cuz that would be against the law. :)
i guess i just do a lot of things without really thinking about it.
that can be good, and bad.

this past month, especially, has been really full.
we have a full house. and we have full schedules.

when people ask if we can get together? i literally say...ok! i would love to! i have mondays, wednesdays and fridays open from 1:00-2:00.
unless i happen to have thrown a photo shoot in there..so ya! let's totally get together!

i don't mean to sound like i am tooting my own horn or anything, but i have a lot of people in my life that i feel need me.
i don't know how to type that without it sounding weird.
i just mean that i have a lot of people texting me, and a lot of people meeting me at starbucks (aka my office) and a lot of people asking me for advice.
please don't get me wrong.
i. love. it.
i really do.
i am a total people person, and i love feeling needed.

i also love showing love and enjoy giving advice and praying for people and being there for people.
i don't want it to change, and i hope that whoever is reading this is not thinking...oh, i should probably stop texting her. or, maybe i should cancel that starbucks date with her because she's too busy.
i don't ever want to come across like i am too busy. and i am apologizing to any person who has ever not texted, called or wanted to get together just because it seems like i am too busy. it would break my heart if i knew anyone felt that way about me!

at the same time though...as much as i love to get together with people to refresh them (because that is my goal. to bring every conversation back to the fact that Jesus gives hope and without him, we would be hopeless!) i still need to be refreshed.
and this is why i have been gently reminded this week by a few different people in my family
the importance of getting my own refreshment from God alone.
God alone.
not my work.
not my friends.
not even my husband or my kids.
but God.
i don't know why this is so hard for me to get a hold of lately.

and to be painfully honest.
while i am doing everything so fast.
i am also reading my Bible fast.
i am praying fast.
and i am therefore weakening fast.
and it is not what i want.

it is not what i want.
i can hardly stop the tears right now as i am typing because

i want my life to be different.

and what will make me different is the amount of time i put in to developing and strengthening my relationship with Jesus.
and in my deepest heart of hearts, it is my desire.
but in my fleshly, sinful heart i am just doing everything fast. too fast.
i am writing this as a reminder to YOU to slow down and put your relationship with Jesus at a higher priority.
it will benefit your marriage, your relationships, your joyfulness, your peace...your everything!

i am also writing this as a way for myself to be held accountable. i want you to remind me to spend time with God, and not just talk about him.
i don't think adam would appreciate me going out with my girlfriends every night and telling them how great of a husband i have...if i was choosing to never spend a minute with HIM!

don't let the busyness and craziness of life weaken you, and cause you to cut out time with God.
let it push you to God. let it show you how much you need Him, and can't live without Him.

i love this verse in proverbs that says "whoever refreshes others will be refreshed"
how will i be refreshed?
by going to the spring. the living, powerful, life changing Word of God...
where i get direct refreshment.

what do you have to put down right now, so you can pick up God's Word?
do it. put it down.
and find your refreshment in HIM tonight.  ♥

Senior Photographer I Rye Beach, NH

i met alicia through gina
she wanted to do a beach session as well, and again...
i always welcome that!

she is absolutely beautiful and she is so tiny she gets to shop in the girls department...lucky girl!
We had a super fun time and even got to include her adorable dog and cute little brother in a few shots!

Here are a few of my favorite!

when she did her outfit change, i am pretty sure i did a little dance!
(i have been known to do many strange things like that during my sessions! ha!)
anyways...you might have too if you had seen her outfit!
i loved her dress and actually looked it up on line later to buy it for myself!

thanks for a super fun night, alicia! i loved meeting you and your family!

Senior Photographer I Rye Beach, NH

i met gina through shannon.
she wanted a beach session, and i was more than happy to have an excuse to go to the beach!
rye beach is my favorite and it was a perfect day for it.

i don't know how i am lucky enough to get the most beautiful clients, but gina is gorgeous and a total natural in front of the camera!

here are a few of my favorites!

you were so much fun to hang out with gina! i hope you have an awesome senior year!

holding on to today

i feel like i hear about death a lot.
i am at a lot of funerals because my dad leads many funeral services and a lot of times i am asked to sing at them.
it is always a reminder that death is inevitable.
it's not the kind of thing i enjoy thinking about but it is the kind of thing i think i should be aware of when it comes to how i spend my time.

i want to hold on to today.
when my kids ask me (as they often do) to stay in their bedroom with them for 5 more minutes when i put them to bed...i wan to stay.
and that's another thing - i always want to "put my kids to bed". sure...my boys are old enough to get into bed themselves, but i love covering them up. making sure their pillow is just right. asking them how their day was. if there is anything i did that day that hurt them.
it's these still moments when you can really just enjoy a few extra minutes of nothing else but being together.

it blows my mind that my aj is in the 6th grade this year.
i honestly can't believe it.
it for REAL feels like just yesterday that i was rocking him to sleep every night.
and i am going to still hug him, even in front of all the guys from the soccer team.
he gave me his permission. :)

and riley going into the 4th grade?
does not seem possible.
it seems like i was just figuring out how to juggle life with 2 active little boys, both in diapers!
and i will still walk into a store holding his hand. he gives me his permission. :)

i have loved each stage that they are in.
in different ways of course.
i really don't remember what it felt like to get up 8 times every single night.
but to be honest, sometimes i miss it.

i remember teaching my boys their first Bible verses.
"children obey"
and "be kind"
and now they both have memorized probably hundreds of Bible verses on their own.

i am crazy in love with these two.
which is why i get so confused when some parents count down the days until the school year starts.
i feel like i would be lost without them!

they make me and adam's lives completely full and perfectly perfect.

i am blessed.
and i know it.
so thankful and completely holding on to today.

don't let yourself waste too much time on things that aren't important today.
make memories now.

time goes by way too fast.

Senior Photographer I Manchester, NH

i met shannon when i did a family session with her and the rest of her family.

she is so easy to work with and is absolutely gorgeous.

we met up in manchester for her senior session and had an awesome session!

not everyone can put up with my craziness!

we even got a tour of city hall....that we did not ask for. ha!

here are a few of my favorite from her session.

shannon, you make my job so incredibly easy!!

dealing with disappointment

i really don't like to open myself up too much on my blog.
or in real life either.

but i thought i would open up just a little bit and hopefully encourage someone who may be feeling some of the same things that i have been feeling.

a few years ago i wrote about a decision adam and i made when it came to our living situation and adam's job. we knew that by him taking a job at the church, we were most likely giving up the chance of buying a house. (you can read about that here)
i have really felt very content with where we are and confident that we are where God wants us.

back in february, we saw a house go up for sale.
it was in epping, actually on the street we live on, and was walking distance to the porch.
it was a big, old, beautiful house. i have always loved old houses, and the more we looked at it, the more i found myself wanting it.
which is weird, because i hadn't even thought about the potential to buy and i was totally fine with that.
we prayed about it a lot, sought counsel and decided to put an offer on it.
we went back and forth a little bit with the bank (it was bank-owned), their realtor said he would tell us if anyone else put an offer on it..which he did not. and before we knew it, it was off the market and gone before i had even had a chance to plan where the christmas tree would go.

so it was disappointing. i decided that we would just move on, not knowing what God had in store, but trusting.
a couple months later...what do you know? the house was back on the market. things had fallen through with the other buyer. ok.
now what? so we decided to put an offer on it again. we went back and forth with the bank.
i spent some time with a friend from church at the house...on the front porch. just praying. praying for the town, praying for God's will, praying that God would see fit to give us this house we wanted!
we were only $7,000.00 apart from our offer and the banks. i did have time to plan where the tree was going to go this time, and i was practically moved in! it was a friday. we were at the porch, and at 4:00 we countered back with the bank. i thought...this is it! we are going to get this! i can't believe it!
at 5:30 we got an email from the realtor.
someone else had put an offer in that the bank liked better. it was off the market again.
say what?
i did not understand. at all. it seemed like it was going to work out, and for me...
thinking about starting another school year with the small space that we are in now, was getting too hard to even think about.

so that was it. and i guess it's just not meant to be. and you know...God has something better, and blah blah blah (no disrespect intended)

so 2 weeks ago, guess what.
the house was back on the market. is this bizarre or what?
because of my frustration, and disappointment already with it, i was just like over-and-out with this house.
but anyways...we decided to put an offer, yet again.
we go to the office. sign all the papers.
and wait.
as much as i was trying not to get my hopes up, it was hard not to.
we get the call 2 days later.
the bank rejected the offer with no counter.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
frustrations, much?
you know, normally i read these nice little stories about the way that things didn't work out, didn't work out, didn't work out...then they end with - but then it worked out better than we could've dreamed!

this little story doesn't end that way.
it ends with disappointment again.
i'm not trying to be whiny here.
i'm just keeping it real.
life is full of disappointments. things that happen in life that just make no sense.
and in spite of it all, we have to keep moving forward.
we have to still raise our boys to trust God.
we have to continue with the porch, and other ministries we are doing at the church.
we have to keep moving.
we have to go from saying things like...you can trust God with your life
to actually trusting God with your life!
(which is much harder to do when you aren't getting your way! ha!)

i have really enjoyed my reading through I John lately. it talks about the love of God.
and the fact of the matter is...
God's love for me is amazing, and real and strong.
when i realize that love...i don't have to wonder about anything else, because i trust him.
and that's all. i trust that when he promises to never give me more than i can handle? He means it.
and when he promises to never leave me? He means it.

so today...
in spite of my feelings.
in spite of the huge amount of disappointments, frustrations, questions and everything else running through my head...
God is still faithful. God is still loving. and God is still in control.

and there is no point me getting all upset about something i can't control.
i need to keep moving forward.
keep smiling, keep laughing, keep pushing on...
and keep trusting.
trusting a God whose love for me, i can never comprehend, but i know i couldn't live without.
and yes. sometimes it is easier to say it than to do it.
but it always feels better when i trust!