journaling

it has been a week since i blogged last.
this week has been a really super full week.

monday morning, we had to drive to south boston to go to a funeral.

adam actually conducted the funeral, and i sang.
it was the first funeral that adam had ever done, and i was so nervous for him.
he had never met the woman who died, and he was not expecting to have to do this!
but my dad was away on a cruise and so adam filled in.
he did great.
i know this might sound weird, but i was just so incredibly proud of him.
and by sound weird i mean, because it's a funeral.
but i am proud of the kind of man he is.
he loves people.
like for total real.
it's not fake.
he has such a love for God and his relationship with Him is real.
it's genuine.
it's not one of those i-act-like-i-love-God-on-Sundays-then- act-like-a-jerk-the-rest-of-the-week deal.
he went into this funeral just ready to minister and talk to and listen to anyone who needed him.
he wants to be a godly dad and a godly husband.
he wants people to come to know Christ
he looks so cute 
all of these thoughts were coming into my head as i sat in the front of this little old church and watched my man share his heart and grieve with these people he did not know, over a woman he had never met.
i am so glad he is mine.

but the real point of this post is to say that sometimes journaling is so good for the soul.
blogging is a good outlet, and i really enjoy being able to share my thoughts.
but sometimes, i need to just journal with a notebook and a pen.
because see, every time i am about to hit the publish post button at the bottom of this page, i have to make sure that no one will take anything i said the wrong way.
i need to make sure that i haven't said anything that might be insensitive, or questionable.
i mean, i have written things that people disagree with, and i have written things that people were definitely offended by. (i have unpublished comments to prove it!!)
i stick to my beliefs and i will not change or back down because someone doesn't agree with them.
God's Word is true and i believe every word of it. i think i make that pretty clear.

but sometimes i want to be able to name names.
i want to be able to just be real, even if i know it's not right what i am feeling.
i want to be able to get out feelings after a disagreement with adam.
and i don't think that my blog is the place for it.
it's between me and God and that is the only person that needs to hear the specifics about certain things.
i mean, i always try to be real. i do not try to make my life sound different than it really is.
but i do have hurt feelings sometimes.
i do get frustrated with my kids sometimes.
i do say things i shouldn't say to my husband sometimes.

and even though i am trying to be real here...
i have to stay true to what God wants me to be.
i have to make sure that if i want to love life and see good days then i will keep my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking guile
i have to make sure that the heart of my husband can safely trust in me


so i will write what i write here.
and i will write what i need to write in my little notebook by my bed.

then in a few months i can go back to my little notebook and say...oh. my. word. rachelle.
what was your problem?? why were you feeling that way? see how God took care if you? see how you were so selfish there?
and in that, i won't have to think...oh man. why did i have to publish that for the world to see?
(because, you know. the whole world reads this. just so you know! ha!)

that is my rambling for tonight.
journaling is good. it can help you think things through.
it can save you from talking to someone about something you shouldn't be.
and you can look at it later to remind you of God's love and God's power.

so get out a pen and paper and just start writing.
you might feel better after you do!