i can believe this, but i can't believe that?

i realized something about myself last night.
i am so secure in my relationship with God...
meaning that i literally have no fear at all of death.
none.
i know with no doubt in my mind, that when i die, i will be in heaven
with my Jesus.
i am so secure in it, that i don't ever worry about that part of my life at all.

but when i heard in class last night from the book of psalms...
"How precious are your thoughts to me, O God. How great is the sum of them." (NKJV)
the New Living Translation puts it this way...
"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They can not be numbered." 


honestly?
it blew my mind.
like...what?
God thinks thoughts about me more times than i can count?
it's hard to imagine, and seriously hard to believe!

reading this chapter can change you - if you really think about all the words.
the fact that He knows everything about me, and has since before i was born. wow.
the fact that He knows the words i am going to say before i say them. wow.
the fact that He actually LOVES me even though he knows those things? wow!

i guess when i think about somebody thinking about me all the time?
i would imagine that person to really love and adore me.
when i think about someone constantly, it's the people that i love the most.
i love thinking about the sweet things adam does for me.
i love thinking about riley having to hug and kiss me every time i leave the room
i love thinking about aj saying that he is so glad i'm his mom
those things make me smile.
they make me happy.

that's why it's so hard for me to imagine the God of this universe
thinking about me!
does he smile when he thinks about the last time i thanked Him for something?
does he laugh when he watches me try to do too many things at once?
it's hard to picture.
i'm just being honest here.

why is it so easy for me to believe the promise that He is preparing heaven for me,
but hard to believe that he is thinking about me?

i guess because i am not realizing how much God actually loves me.
it's too much for me to comprehend.
it's incredible and amazing to even think about.

you know what?
the days when i feel like adam is totally in love with me
the days when i can just tell my boys want to be with me every second...
i act different!
i want to do things for them more than i normally do.

shouldn't it be the same with God?
the fact that He is thinking of me...
should make me act different.
so i think i will.