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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

don't assume you know

the following thoughts are coming from the mind of a boys mommy.
it's an interesting job...being a female and training males.
but i take my job extremely seriously, and i really try not to just let days, weeks, months go by without putting serious thought into decisions that i am making.
i do not want to have any regrets later.

so...on to the main point  here.

i have talked before about how important it is for moms to teach their daughters to dress modestly.
you can read that post here.

but i want to ask you moms of boys a question.
do you know what it is like to have the mind of a boy?
of course not! and you never will.
just like i don't, and i never will!
i am afraid that there have been too many times where i have just assumed that something was not a big deal.
because, to be honest? in my mind, it was not a big deal!

for example. i can see a girl dressed in really short shorts, and i can think either...
her legs are skinny, i wish my legs were that skinny!
those shorts are way too short, girlfriend!

either way, i think the thought.
and 2 seconds later? i am not even thinking about her legs or her shorts.
and i have probably had about 62 other thoughts that are completely unrelated to....well. anything...go through my head!

that is how a female mind works.
the male mind.
totally different from mine.
not in a good or bad way, but just different.
so for a male?
did you know that if he was to see that exact same girl...he might literally have to fight for the rest of the day to get the image out of his head?
did you even know that??
now...before some of you even go off on a rampage about sick minds...etc. etc.
let me just encourage you to stop and think it through.
it is not that males are sick.
it is not that they have problems (i mean...most of them. of course some do!)
it's just that their minds are designed differently.

i want for you to stop and think right now of the last time you have asked your son to tell you what goes through his head when he sees a girl in a bikini.
go ahead. do it! right now!
you might be very surprised at what his answer is!

now, if you ask your daughter (if you have one) what goes through her head when she sees a girl in a bikini, you are going to get a totally different answer!!
crazy, right?

i have made the decision that we are going to be a very open family.
meaning. i encourage my boys to ask questions. i encourage them to tell me and adam the honest truth even when they think it might be wrong.
and i will say...sometimes i have all i can do to keep my mouth from dropping open.

this is not to say that my boys are bad kids.
i don't think that they are...at all!
i see such a sensitivity to people, to needs, to Jesus...that i could just cry.

i. will. not. assume...anything!
and i will say that when i have asked those hard questions and heard those answers that i can't even relate to as a female...
i change the way i do things. that's for sure.
i am aware that some people may judge me for my decisions. they may say that i am sheltering my kids too much.
but my question to you would be...why?
if i find out that seeing girls dressed in certain ways brings thoughts that are unsettling to them,
what kind of mother would i be to go to places where it is thrown in front of their faces?

if you found out that your son was upset every time he saw a clown...that he couldn't get it out of his head, and had nightmares...would you bring him to the circus every week?

of course not!

i have to be willing to change my plans, to change my ideas and change my way of thinking if it means that it will help my boys grow up to be pure, godly men.
this is what we want right?
our boys to grow up to be pure? to have eyes only for their wives? to be faithful?
then maybe we, as moms...should be a little more intentional about making sure that we are encouraging those traits in them now!

i, for one...am going to stop assuming that the next time i see a cute bathing suit on a girl, my son is thinking...wow. look at the way those colors match so nicely!

i am going to stop assuming that i know what it's like in the mind of a boy.
because i don't, and i can't.
but just because i can't understand doesn't mean i can't train these boys!

see..i think a lot of times moms are causing their boys trouble completely unintentionally!
i don't think they are thinking...haa...let's go to the beach! 
i know there are going to be a lot of girls dressed in almost nothing! 
let's see how they handle this one! bwaahh haa haaa!!

i think they are thinking...hmm. it's hot! let's go to the beach!
and this is where things get from nonchalant to seriously hard work.
the kind of hard work that involves maybe giving up something that you like, for the ultimate purpose of protecting and guarding the hearts of your little boys.
your little boys, who are all too quickly growing up to be young men.

so for me? i am going to change the places i go, and change the people i hang around with if i have to.
because it's worth it to me.
it's worth it to do what is best for them. even it means living 20 minutes from the beach and not going.
judge me if you want to.
i have boys whose thoughts and hearts are more important to me than the ocean and a tan.

so my challenge to you is this.

don't assume you know.

ask questions and be ready to get answers that you are going to have to deal with.
God gave us HUGE responsibilities as moms.
and i am going to do this job the very best that i can.

Proverbs 119:9
How does a young man keep his way pure? by living according to Your Word.


  1. Love this!!!! Thank you!! This is so applicable to me with a little boy...I'll need this sooner than I think, I'm sure.

  2. great words of wisdom. always :)


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