Basketball Finals

our last day of driving 40 minutes to berwick for the boys basketball was saturday.

i could seriously watch my kids play sports every day. i love it.

i love their excitement, i love watching them play hard and i love seeing the different way they react to things.

aj and riley are very different personality-wise, and this is true when they play ball as well!

when riley scores, he looks over at me and adam and smiles so big!

it is so cute.

when aj scores, he is really calm and chill and just kind of runs back down the floor without any reaction at all.

riley's game was first, and they won!

i would say his team was pretty excited!

it was so cute to watch the way they celebrated!

aj's game was last, and they played a really tough team, with a player who was about a foot taller than even aj! they worked really hard, and aj had a great game, but they still ended up losing.

i wasn't sure how he would handle it.

sometimes, he can be really hard on himself and i was kind of worried that it would be a rough ride home!

but as he was walking over to me, i said - "great game aje. i'm so proud of you!"

and he smiled at me and said - "mom, when we win we praise him and when we lose we praise him, right?"

wow.

i mean, i am proud of him because of the way he plays basketball, sure.

but i am even more proud of him because of the godly, wise young man that he is growing into.

i love that he is learning from a young age how to handle wins and losses.

after watching many professional athletes, i can't help but wonder what a difference it would have made if they had been taught at a young ago to control their emotions, and trust and praise God no matter what!

i can't wait to see what God is going to do in the lives of my boys.

riley turns 9

drumroll please...

my baby boy is nine.
how does that even happen?

we have already had a couple of little parties for riley and will have one last one on sunday.

he opened gifts from his aunts and uncles and some of our friends from church

i set up a schedule for his day which started with coloring ninjago pages that i printed off for him while i made waffles for breakfast. his choice.

then we had little mommy/riley date to dunkin donuts to play legos while aj was at co-op.

we went to mcdonald's for lunch. his choice again.

then came home and made cupcakes together, and opened presents from us.

then we had kids club, his choice of dinner...which was sweet and sour chicken with mashed potatoes.
and no corn on his plate! (bryce would be proud)

after dinner, adam took the boys to rent a movie and we had a family movie night together.

great day celebrating the life of our little boy.

if you know riley, you know that he loves to make people laugh.
he is seriously hilarious.
he loves popcorn, chips (with white cheese, not yellow) and salsa, mashed potatoes, cake, bread and turkey sandwiches.
he does not like corn, and ice cream...but does like sherbet.

he could spend all day and half the night playing with legos.
he loves soccer and is incredibly good at it.
he is super fast.
his entire face lights up when he smiles.
he has a hard time getting to sleep at night.
he still sleeps with his puppy blanket.
he doesn't like wearing jeans.
he reads his Bible every morning.
he sings a lot.
he is  hyper.
he can talk his way out of anything.

andd..

he makes me happy.
so happy.

what is happening

i am finding myself in a place i don't really want to be.
a place that i never meant to get to.
and a place that i'm ready to leave now.

growing up, i was always taught that money did not make you happy.
i was taught that possessions will not bring fulfillment.
i believed it.
i still do.

i was raised to believe that what people thought of me did not matter.
what God thinks of me is the only thing that matters.
i believe that too.

here i am now.
an adult.
in my cough*early*cough thirties.
i have 2 boys of my own, and i am raising them the same way.
i want them to know the importance of those truths.

while there have been some days that i've struggled with the fact that i don't own my own home. not necessarily feeling like less of a person because of it? (turns out, almost every group you are in, this is what defines you) but feeling like people definitely think that i am less of a person because of it.

this is not what i am having issues with tonight.

it is with being dissatisfied.
there. i said it.

i don't mean the kind of dissatisfied that comes from coveting after a friend's new car.
or the kind of dissatisfied that is having me run to the gas station for a lotto ticket.

it was kind of a subtle, tricky, didn't-even-see-it-coming dissatisfied.

it has to do with.
people.
and people's things.
but disguised in a way that didn't really hold the name of "possessions"
or "money"
which is where i was duped.

in the photography world, there is always a new camera, new glass or new bag to buy.
for sure.
and while it is in the form of a possession, it can easily be justified and written off.
this is not what i'm talking about either though.

also in the photography world, there is always. always. always. some other way to upgrade.
a new logo,
new branding,
new blog,
new website,
new business cards,
new marketing ideas,
new take-up-all-my-time-and-suck-the-ever-loving-life-outta-me!


when is enough enough?
the difficulty with being a photographer is that you are always home when you are working on editing, on the website..and everything else.
so sometimes you don't realize how long you are spending on it.

but it doesn't stop at photography.
it goes into regular old life.

reading this person's blog and noticing that she has a new background.
looking on pinterest and seeing that maybe you should start making that for dinner
seeing someone update their facebook status with how they are finally fulfilling all their huge dreams.

all the time, i am becoming more and more dissatisfied without even realizing the name of what i have become.
because see...
i am not even feeling like i want a possession.
i am not feeling like i wish i had more money.
or that i could travel more.
that would be easy to see where i was in the wrong.
this was different.

it was the constant need for

*approval*

i mean, isn't this why facebook has taken the word "like" to a whole new level?
everyone. wants everyone else. to "like" everything. every picture. every stupid thought!
and now you can even "like" a blog post, start following one, share something that this person shared with everyone you know.

it's all about getting approval from everyone.

what is happening??


i know.
in my heart of hearts.

that the only approval that even matters is
God's.

and when i am spending so much time on my stinking computer, that i am neglecting any other thing or person in my life that i used to put first?
and when i'm off my computer but thinking about everything i have to do on it, and how fast i can get back on my computer? you know...for an important reason. to see how many people like my post?
i am not.
getting God's approval.

i know i'm not.

but i have not seen it!
it's been staring me in the face, and i have been ignoring it.

here's some ugly truths.

"that which we...desire and long after...and strive for and think of the most is our god"


"what each one honors before all else, what before all things he admires and loves, this for him is God"


"whatever thy heart clings to and relies upon, that is properly thy God"


"your god is what you love, seek...and allow to control you"


"anything that is taking time away from spending time with my God is a potential god."


i just want to stop.
i just want to stop seeing everyone else's lives and what they are doing.
i don't need to know it!
i don't want to see all the updated blogs and websites and lives!
the people who are my real live friends will text me if they have something important to share!

i want to serve God.
i want to wake up with an intense desire to get into the Word.
i want to be holding fiercely onto my God. so much so.. that nothing else will come before HIM.
i want to be driven.
by that. and that alone.

i am finding myself tired. frustrated. and not even understanding why.
until now.

i love Psalms 90:14 that says
Satisfy us early in the morning with your unfailing love. that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

yep.
i want that.
i want to sing for joy tomorrow and be glad all my days.

it has to start with a choice.
with a choice that says i will be satisfied with Jesus.
i will be seeking approval from Jesus.
i will not allow the pull of the world's cry for status and likes to drive me!
who cares how many people like my photography page?!
who cares if i never have another comment left on my blog again.
i will not allow it to take up residence in my mind!
and for me, personally.
i am not turning on my computer tomorrow.

enough is enough.

personalized gifts

i love this picture so much.

i mean, it's not perfect as far as photography goes.
but i love it for a couple of reasons.

for 1.

it reminds me of the fact that i have parents in my life who love me and are always willing to drop everything for their family.

for 2.

it reminds me that they know my kids so well.
riley is hugging them here (you can't really see my mom, but she's in there!) because they just bought him a duck....showing me that they know he loves ducks.

and a book.
but not just any book.
a book that my mom picked out because he had a similar one that he loved to read before bed and had just finished.

i just love it so much.

and it's not just my parents.
it makes me happy when people love my kids.
my boys have gotten so many gifts this year from different people who love them.
who know them.
who care about what they care about.

they have recieved:
bongo drums
ninjago
personalized journals
a paper airplane book
a baseball glove
an apron

to name a few...

so thank you!
thank you for loving my kids too!
it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!

basketball

i totally love watching my kids play sports.
i'm not a crazy, psycho mom.
seriously, i know that's hard to believe.
i mean, i cheer and everything...but i don't go buck wild.

i am proud though...for sure!
and so are my parents.
i think my mom cheers louder than i do!!

here's a little video of ry...



and one of aj

i will not take for granted...

i take a lot for granted.
a lot.

but tonight.
i am going to try and not do that.
i am going to stop complaining about things that i don't have...
and be thankful for things...so many things that i do have.
here are some pictures to prove the amazing things i have, starting with my parents!

what is it about pictures?
i can't stop smiling when i look at these pictures.
i am sitting here by the fireplace, listening to worship music and looking at bright, colorful reminders of the incredible blessings of my God.
blessings that i have to admit i sometimes take for granted.
every night adam and i put the boys to bed together, and tonight aj was going to get into bed and said
"goodnight mom. see you in the morning! imagine?? imagine if you guys just sent us to bed?"

i thought it was so funny because he totally just expects for us to put them in bed, read a devotional together, pray together, and then have me read to them.
it's just what we do.
easy to take for granted.

i try so hard...especially at night to not take things for granted.
because where i am right now?
i'll never be here again!
know what i love?
i love that before i leave the boys room, riley has to say
"wait mom! i have to make sure i have my puppy blanket, tanky and puppy before you go to bed!"
because...he won't be saying that forever!

and i love when aj will say.
"mom...never mind. i mean, i was going to ask you to rub my back. but i'm sure you're tired, so you don't have to"

how can you turn that down?

i will NOT take for granted the fact that i have 2 little boys who are growing into godly men.
i will NOT take for granted that part of the reason for that is the fact that they have a godly daddy who loves them, and invests his time and prayer into them.
i will NOT take for granted that i have a place to live.
freedom to worship God wherever and whenever i want.
parents who are my 2 of my closest friends.
a husband who is committed to our marriage.
a church family who feels like a real live family.
a brother and 2 sisters who mean the world to me.

i will NOT take for granted everything that i have.
i refuse.
what do you have in your life right now that you should not be taking for granted?

love

i love a lot of things.
i love coffee.
i love my bible.
i love shoes.
i love yard saling.
i love running.
i love photography.
i love brownies.
i love the new england patriots.

but what i love more than i could ever express with words is

yep.
my chums.
my babies who i get to spend every day with.

we've had a rough school year.
just being real here.
well, actually?
i've had a rough school year.
my boys are never the problem. it's always my lack of organization.
but this week has been a good week.
a great week!
it started with a refreshing visit with 2 girls who i do not get to see nearly enough.
they are women who love God. and are serious about raising their kids to do the same.
(thank you for the inspiration jen and cherilyn!! love you girls so much!)
and we have done our school work exactly as i have in their assignment books.
see, a little work by me goes a long way!
the porch has been full every day, and my husband went grocery shopping for me today!
life is good.

i also started a little something to keep me more serious about staying focused on prayer.
i, for one, do not take advantage of the way that my Father says i can ask Him for anything...anytime!
so here's the deal.
if you go here
you can enter in any prayer request you might have.
i will then find a Bible verse to pray over you, and email you back with the verse so you can pray too!
go ahead, give it a try!
i would be honored to pray for you and with you!
we know - HE is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine!

New Website Launched

i am so excited to share my new website with all of you!
i have just finished and am really excited about what it looks like.

you can check it out here!

a little story about me

so there i sat. in the front pew, where i sat every sunday morning. and sunday night. and wednseday night.

see..i was the pastor's daughter.
and behind me sat rows and rows of people.
with eyes.
ya know, as opposed to all the people without eyes? ha.
but when i say "eyes", i think you know what i mean.

you know the type.
people who look at the pastor's family with critical, judgmental eyes.
they normally choose 1 of 2 options.

1. those pastor's kids are such a bunch of hypocrites. they act all godly on sunday morning, and act like total and complete worldly sinners every other day of the week.

or...

2. those pastor's kids are such a bunch of judgmental, self-righteous snobs. They act so godly all the time, and think they are better than everyone else.

normally those are the only 2 impressions.
there seems to be no in between in the eyes of the beholders.

i find it to be so incredibly ironic that so many people choose to

JUDGE others...
for being.

get this...

JUDGMENTAL!

wait, what?
that doesn't even make any sense!
but i feel like it happens over and over.
and a lot of the time?

the person who is being accused of being judgmental?
is not actually even being judgmental!
they are just choosing to live their lives the way they live their lives!

sure, it might look different than the way another person is living their lives.
but that doesn't mean that they are judging the other person!

i just felt the need to get these thoughts out there because i want for you to think.

the next time you see someone who looks like they have their life together.
or the next time you look at your pastor's family.

just stop for a second.
give them a chance.

before you start judging them for judging you.

maybe give them the benefit of the doubt that they're not judging you at all.

more fun in the snow

a bright and sunny day today made for 2 boys begging me to go outside and play in the snow with them!

so i bundled up with them after lunch and we went snowboarding and sledding together!

and although this is my snowboard, clearly both of my boys could teach me a thing or two.

my kids are so much fun to be with...
i love these happy boys. ♥

snow at last!

we got a fluke snow storm in october, and thought...oh no!! this is going to be the longest winter ever!
but - we haven't gotten snow since! in fact, it has been one of the most mild winters i can remember!
while it's been great for my photography business, it has not been so great for 2 little boys of mine who have been dying to go sledding, throw snowballs and make forts!

this morning they woke up to a winter wonderland

they love sledding down the stairs of the back deck

yep! i would say it's safe to say that i have 2 very happy little boys.

101 in 1001

so i heard about this challenge.

101 goals in 1001 days


it was about dreams. and not only just having dreams, but...


turning those dreams into goals.


big difference, by the way.
i kind of backed away from the idea, because to be honest?
i have had a lot of dreams.
a lot.
and i have written out my dreams in a notebook, and started going somewhere with those dreams.
then i lost the notebook.
and that was that.

but when you turn those dreams into goals
all of a sudden, you feel like maybe it's a possibility.
maybe it's something that you had better get started on and not stop!


so i decided to just go for it. why not?
well..actually.
there are a lot of reasons for the why not.

because if i never write them out for real, live people to see?
i don't actually have to feel like a total loser if i don't accomplish them.

but the other side of that is this.

if i do write them out for real live people to see...
those people can hold me accountable. can challenge me. can pray for me. can help me achieve these goals.

so here we go.

my list of 101 things that i would like to do in the next 1001 days.
(in no particular order)


1. write out scripture more often
2. start a consistent early morning prayer routine
3. get more organized with my homeschooling. ugh. i feel like i always say that, and it never happens.
4. go back to haiti
5. run another marathon
6. learn how to french braid...actually, how to braid. (good thing i don't have girls!)
7. visit new york city. i know! i can't believe i've never been to new york city!!
8. put my laundry away as soon as it is clean
9. never stop attending FBI
10. outsource!
11. finish perfecting my website
12. to be less critical. of myself and others.
13. to get together with my amazing p31 sisters again.
14. go on more dates with my husband
15. buy another prime lens
16. start taking vitamins
17. go horseback riding
18. see kari jobe in concert
19. get my make up done professionally. never done it.
20. to go along with 19, wear false eyelashes. i don't know why, i just think they look so cool
21. drink more water every day
22. go to the basketball hall of fame
23. give at least half of my profits from my photography business to people who need it, and various ministries
24. beat aj in wii mario kart
25. reach 1000 facebook fans
26. have my branding done professionally. (i wish i could afford it right now!)
27. speak at a women's conference - of any kind
28. give the gift of photography to more people who can not afford it...just to show the love of my GOD
29. talk less, and love more
30. email prayers of scripture to one person a week
31. make an incredible website for The Porch
32. write one song a month
33. have more people receive The Porch newsletter
34. go to bed earlier...which will in turn, help me to get up earlier.
35. go on a cruise with my family
36. understand that who i am is not determined by the way people treat me. i hate that i care about that so much! God loves me just the way i am!!
37. spend more money on others and less on myself
38. memorize one verse from every book in the Bible
39. be asked to guest blog
40. go back to disney with my family and bryce
41. send birthday cards to every family member each year!
42. take more prayer walks
43. send more mail. like... actual paper mail
44. take more pictures of my kids living life. not just posing.
45. master white balance
46. read more books by tozer
47. become a mentor to someone serious about raising Godly kids
48. meet up with lindsay lanzel somewhere...anywhere.
49. write a book about parenting (at least a booklet)
50. take time off facebook every once in a while
51. watch the sunset on the beach with just me and adam
52. write down my dreams more
53. print more pictures out!!
54. finish writing and record songs of scripture for my boys
55. learn how to juggle
56. play the piano more
57. learn how to speak spanish
58. plant a garden
59. attend a pursuit 31 conference
60. go snowboarding more than one time each winter
61. oh, and to go along with #60, learn how to get off a ski lift without falling
62. learn how to change the oil in my car
63. go ice skating
64. never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone on the spot
65. become an official not-for-profit with epping lighthouse ministries
66. buy a building for epping lighthouse ministries
67. order new business cards
68. do another beth moore study
69. understand that i was created to bring glory to God. and never forget it.
70. go to boston more
71. organize a stylized shoot
72. use the crock pot once a week
73. be asked to travel to shoot
74. learn how to play an f chord on the guitar
75. write thank you letters to everyone who has donated to The Porch in any way
76. forgive girls who have hurt me. like, really forgive. for real. not allowing bitterness to have a hold on me in any way.
77. hire my husband to be my accountant for my business
78. think of others as better than myself way more than i do now
79. run at least 3 more half marathons
80. run another marathon
81. organize everything better. i know it sounds kind of vague, but i love being organized, and really need to just get better at it
82. not let myself get impatient and stressed over stupid things that don't matter at all
83. learn how to knit or crochet
84. finish our foster care classes
85. take in foster kids, and hopefully adopt!
86. read the Bible in 90 days again at least once
87. finish my study on being satisfied with JESUS
88. not miss any more days praying for all of the ladies i know, by name,  from my town
89. send letters and packages to the jackson family in papua new guinea
90. go to texas to visit my aunts and uncles and gram
91. declutter my house
92. email, text or talk to each of my siblings every day
93. learn how to speak creole
94. make legal who my kids will be left with when me and adam die
95. buy a hammock
96. get dressed up more
97. take the boys to sea world
98. go to the dentist
99. get pictures of myself done for my website
100. write in my mommy journal more often
101. say i love you to everyone in my family. every single day

so there they are.
all out in the open.
and now i am like...nervous to hit publish!
this is crazy.
ok.
i'm just gonna do it!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh