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Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Keeping quiet when you want to talk

Sometimes I want to say exactly what I'm thinking.
Who am I kidding....ALL the time I want to say exactly what I'm thinking!

I have already typed words on this blank page in front of me and then had to delete them.
Because I like to keep it real, I have shared my past hurts from people who called themselves friends.
I have put myself out there because I like for people to feel like they can relate to me.
Like they are not alone, and I like to remind them that they can get through.

See the thing is, I know that I will always get through. I have no doubt. I know that God is the one who gives me the strength I need.
Even though I believe that with everything in me, I still have struggles.
I still struggle trusting people.
I have a hard time believing peoples words compared to their actions.
It can just feel like too much already! Let downs, disappointments, not understanding.
Sometimes pain for myself, sometimes pain for other people.
I have difficulty controlling my thoughts that just run crazy in my head even as I read my Bible.
You would think that would be one time I could have some peace and quiet, right?
But no. My head still thinks it's time to rant and cry out even as I sit in front of the most stable,
life-changing, peace-giving book on earth.

And so I want to talk.
I want to talk about it all.
I want people to be on my side. Have my back. Hold my trust. Hear my case.
But I can't get very far without the book of Proverbs, I Peter, and many others grabbing ahold of my shoulders, shaking me and reminding me of what I need:

*Let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth.
*If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil.
*Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning when he seals his lips.
*When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.

Psalm 141:3 says it best when it calls it how it is...
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the doors of my lips.

Keeping quiet when you want to talk.

It starts with my heart, and taking those thoughts captive.
Then I have to ask God to please put a big, strong, mighty guard in front of my mouth.
A guard that will not allow anything to enter the world where people hear and can be affected by my words.
(*please note that there is no side note here that says we are allowed to say things about people that are not edifying to our husbands, our sisters or our closest friends. Keep your mouth shut. period.)

Easier said than done my friends.
Especially if you feel like you need to defend yourself.
Still. Who is in control? Me? or God?

And so then. I will say these verses over and over. And then over and over again.
And again. And yep, you got it...again.
And not stop. Because I am afraid that if I stop saying the verses? I will say something else.

God's Word rules.
And it has to rule my heart, my thoughts and my words.

So no matter the insults. No matter the hardships. No matter the persecutions or calamities.
When I am weak, Then I am strong.
The power of Christ in me.

But of course...I'm the only one who has this problem, right?

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