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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What started out with toddlers in my bed has progressed to this

It's always so interesting to look back at my blog from when I first started writing in 2005.
Wow. Was my life different then!

So many parts of it are actually a blur, so I am really thankful that I decided to write my thoughts on this blog, in various notebooks, and in a mommy journal.
I am in a totally different phase of life within my extended family than most of my siblings and Adam's siblings.
I remember being the only one with kids (on Adam's side) for quite a while.
I felt misunderstood, and kind of just alone when we would have family gatherings.
I do not AT ALL mean that as a dis towards my in laws.
Not at all.
They were amazing, loving and all the way around helpful.
We would go over for dinner on Monday nights, and Adam's mom would have dinner for us (after she had worked a full day) and then would play with the boys, and give me a plate for Adam's lunch the next day. The boys loved the attention from their grandparents!
It was just that I was in a different place.
I was running on 4 hours of interrupted sleep from the night before and trying not to look exhausted,
and my brother/sister-in-laws were going through high school, or college and couldn't really relate to what Adam and I were going through.

And now I am watching them deal with sleepless nights from their kids and I am trying to decide if AJ should have a phone or not! (and they are doing a pretty amazing job!)

I do wish I had posted more pictures from when they were younger.
Long gone are the days when I can have them pose in their skivvies, or take pictures of the endless games of memory we played, or have them just looking up at me with their big blue eyes...
It doesn't give quite the same effect from a 12-year-old than from a 2-year-old!

But I still write.
And I still take pictures.
And I still want to remember my today.
I know that when I look back at pictures of the boys from just a year ago, I can't believe how young they look, so I know that next year I am going to have those same sentimental feelings.

I can't even believe the things I now write about. The issues that I now deal with.
It seemed so so far away when the boys were toddlers.
I remember feeling like I didn't have to think about kindergarten with AJ because I still had plenty of time...now I am going to have to start thinking of 8th grade?!!
I remember the days I was thinking about how to get Riley to take a nap, eat his veggies, how we were going to find pacifiers...and now.
I am sure that so many of you are in the same place.
I look up at AJ and yet can still remember holding him and rocking him to sleep just like it was yesterday.

I am a pretty sentimental person.
Family is so important to me.
My husband and my boys...they mean everything to me.

I am not complaining about being in the phase I am in now.
I love having 2 boys in my life who I would absolutely consider my friends.
I love the things our family can do now that we couldn't do before.
I love watching the sensitivity of the boys, the spiritual growth, the humor and the love.

I just want to hold on to it forever. And ever.
I want to write more. Not just here...
I want to write more in my journals. The personal stuff that I don't need to share with the world.
The sweet things that Adam or the boys do that make our family unique.
The things that are done that need to just kept between us...as a family.

What started out with toddlers in my bed has progressed to this.
2 big boys.

Who make me want to be an intentional mom.

Who make me want to love more.
Who make me want to be a better person.

Who I can not even imagine life without.

So whatever phase you are in right now?
Don't wish it away.
Hold on to it. Tightly.
It comes and goes so quickly, even if it feels like it's dragging right now.
Take more pictures.
Write more.
And enjoy every second of the stage you are in right now.

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